Friday, December 10, 2010

I'm thinking of buying up all the old Atkins Diet books with hopes that someday they'll be worth something or at least be funny on a coffee table

fucking seafood. are you kidding me, world, with seafood? fishies? clams? fucking lobsters? lobsters look like giant alien bugs and clams smell like shit. and fish are harmless i guess except for sharks which are fucking terrifying. i wish i'd never even seen jaws. that movie fucking ruined me. i cant even swim in a swimming pool without thinking about some archaic killer beast fish lurking in all the shady spots. and yes, i know, but there is a such thing as salt water pools and havent you ever seen that old school Bond film where the bad dude closes the lid over the pool that Bond's in and unleashes a swarm of angry hungry sharks? coldblooded! i mean, buy a fucking gun, guy, or hire yourself a little assassin sniper and do that shit, quit fucking around, loading up your sharks into the holding tank, feeding them cold meat everyday and waiting like a spinster for james bond to fall into your fucking swimming pool. and dont train lanky supermodels to do fucking caporeira and think its gonna be an effective security choice. they're fucking DANCING and even while bond is getting leg sweeped by your skinny bitches he's fucking clowning on you so hard in his head. did her tit just pop out? christ, keep kicking, chick, this is the best assignment i've ever been on! that's bond, you know, in his head. and also he's like, does this suit still look cool? and, damn dude, maybe i should cool it on those martinis cause i'm trying to fight for my life right now with a wicked serious buzz. are those sharks??


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